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Showing posts with label scheduled post. Show all posts
Showing posts with label scheduled post. Show all posts

Friday, 7 January 2011

Dance, 2

We come across a nice, cosy, informal cafe. It’s nearly empty and there’s a candle on every table. Perfect!
I hold the door open for her. So many beautiful tables shrouded in a romantic glow. She takes a seat at the bar. Damn it!
Now what?
I walk up to her and say:
“It’s always warmer in the back.”
I don’t know if that’s true, but she gets up. I grin at myself as I follow her. I know how much she hates the cold.
We sit down at a small table in a niche. No one will disturb us here. We, of course, order coffee. There’s genuine gratitude in her face as she accepts the steaming hot cup from the waiter, as if it is a benevolent gift rather than something she ordered and paid for. Wouldn’t you just bend over and kiss her?
Her spirits are lifted a little. Now? I’m trying to work up my courage, figuring out how to begin.
“Daphne?”
“Hm.” She responds absently, enjoying her coffee as if she’s in love with it. I’m feeling a little jealous. Ridiculous! In any case, I know how she’s going to devour it, cup and all, when she’s done toying. Don’t stall!
“You know I care about you.” A lot. She doesn’t look up. Is she listening?
“Don’t you?” No response. “Daphne?”
Suddenly her face clouds over. She starts sobbing.
What am I to do? How can I make it better for her?
Everything she’s been bottling up the whole day starts spilling out all at once, I can’t even make out every word no matter how I strain.
I just want to get up and take her in my arms, hold her, soothe her until she stops crying. Instead I sit here, listening, while she falls apart. I’m such a coward.
“They say they can’t keep living together as if everything’s alright. They don’t trust each other. I can’t even trust them anymore, either one of them.” She’s looking for something, something that’s not within her grasp. I offer her my handkerchief. Thank goodness I haven’t used it. She accepts it graciously, twisting her mouth into the closest she can get to a smile. “I knew it was coming, that it would end up like this, eventually, so why does it still hurt so much?”
How can I answer that? So much desperation. I can see in her face how much it hurts. Her pain squeezes my throat shut.
“Why now?” I enquire in a raspy voice.
“Because my mother’s a liar and my father’s a slut.”
“Who is it?”
“Our next-door neighbour.” She makes a face at me. I try to picture her, have I seen her before? The image of a sturdy woman in her thirties with thick blond curly hair pops up. A family woman.
“You mean Ann?” I can’t believe it. I would never have imagined... With two young children and all.
She nods. “Among many others.”
She has another sip and stares off into space, tears streaming down.
“Can you believe I actually say hello to that... woman every single day? Well, said.”
She takes a big gulp and starts taking more vigorously. She’s clearly furious.
“So did my mother by the way. She was so shocked, I fear for her health.” She bangs the cup on the table. Did it break? It could’ve. “She hardly ate or slept all weekend.”
“How did she find out?”
“He left his cell phone lying around. She was already suspicious, they’re always suspicious of each other. He was texting all day, he couldn’t wait to get us out of the house, he was acting funny, nervous... The messages made it obvious.”
She turns the cup around between her hands.
“The things they said and did to each other, all these years, you wouldn’t believe if I told you. No one would. It was bound to happen.”
She starts crying. “I’m so sorry to bother you with this. I feel like if I don’t tell someone, I’m going to burst.”
“You never bother me.” I say, from the bottom of my heart. “You couldn’t possibly.”
She sniffs. “Thanks.”
I reach out to briefly touch her hand across the table.
“Hey, it’s okay. I understand. I’m here for you.”
She puts up a brave face, she’s thankful. That knowledge sends a warm glow through my stomach.
“You can tell me anything. I’ll always listen.”
“Thank you, you’re such a good friend.”
Ouch! The warm fuzzy feeling retreats immediately and the anxiety returns.
“I don’t know what I’d do without you.”
“Yeah, no problem.”
I drink my coffee.
We must have spent at least an hour like that, practically in total silence, staring ahead of us, alongside each other. The cafe is filling up. The bartender turns on the TV, the sports channel. Loud, soon to be drunk people have come to enjoy some game. A couple of them are eying Daphne. I want to get out of here. So does the bartender. He’s eying us too. We haven’t ordered anything since that first cup and we’re still here, taking up space. But if we go now, she’ll go home. The men elbow one another and point in her direction. They’re whispering, louder and louder, pushing each other forward. Alright then.
“Wanna get out of here? Believe me, you wouldn’t want to get caught up in a soccer war.”
She looks around, she hadn’t even noticed. “Yeah, sure.”
We leave the cafe with the overwhelming backing sound of “GOAL!!”
Right in time.
To be continued...

Monday, 3 January 2011

Dance, 1

“Maybe you shouldn’t.”
I say as she kicks the espresso machine.
“Don’t do this to me!” She shouts.
People in the hallway are staring at us. I smile, nod, say hello. So embarrassing...
“You know, Daphne,” I whisper, “assaulting the vending machine isn’t going to help: out of service is out of service.”
She finally gives up. “I know.” She sighs, leaning her forehead against the device. “I’d kill for some coffee right now.”
She suddenly looks so fragile. So tired. I suppose she didn’t get much sleep.
Guess now is not the time to tell her.
“Alright, what’s up?”
She doesn’t respond and starts banging at the machine. I grab her fist.
“Stop that, you’re going to hurt yourself.”
She shrugs.
I glance at the big clock at the wall. Five more minutes.
I won’t let go of her by now unclenched hand.
“Did your parents fight again?”
She jerks free and turns her back to me, crossing her arms. I don’t see it, but I know she’s crying and I know she’s trying to fight it.
“Daphne?”
I lay a comforting hand on her shoulder.
“It’s definite.” She says in a small voice and swallows heavily. “Nothing can be done, they’ve made that very clear, it’s over. They’re going to get divorced.”
“I’m so sorry, Daph.”
She’s silent. I’m afraid she’s going to collapse. What can I do? I reach my hand out to her, but pull back.
Other students left and right dart past us, standing in the middle of the hallway and disappear into the classroom. We wait till they’re gone. We’re running late. I don’t mind. She needs me.
“Do you want to ditch?” I ask.
She shakes her head, drying her eyes. The clinic light bounces off her long dark tresses. It makes me want to run my fingers through them. It’s difficult to keep my hand under control. I put it in my pocket, just to make sure I don’t do anything rash or stupid. She looks so utterly breakable.
She takes a deep breath and pulls herself together. I grimace at her. We take our seats somewhere in the back row. Everything else is full.
The teacher comes in after us and closes the door. We’ve made it in time after all.
He just babbles on, I’ll read up on the matter later myself, I can’t concentrate.  He tells a joke or two, I hear the people around us laughing, I’m not in the mood.
I scratch her name into the bench when she’s not looking, cover it with my notes. I’ve written ‘Daphne’ all over the room, throughout every class we’ve ever been to, hoping and fearing that she’d ask about it. Then I’d have no other choice but to tell her how I feel and finally get it over with, but she never noticed. Or maybe she did. There are so many Daphne’s.
I have to find a way to tell her. I take my notebook and scribble all over the margins every possible way to tell her.
I love you, Daphne.
I always loved you.
I long for you.
I can’t live without you.
I love you.
I LOVE you.
I love YOU.
I love you,
I love you.
Is she looking? No. She never is. It has to be today, I must confess to her today. But how? What should I say and when? What if she refuses me? I’ll lose her as friend as well. Won’t I? Then what?
I have to know. I must tell her. I look at her. You can just see how tense she is. I should figure out something to make her more at ease first.
Class is finally over, it seemed like ages. Everyone else packs up in a hurry and sprints out. Daphne just watches them go and sighs. The suspense is building up in me, I can feel my heart pounding in my ear. I can’t let her leave now, like this. I must be brave.
Listlessly, she picks up her bag, shoulders drooping, head down. I can’t bear to watch this happening.
I take her arm, gently, I don’t want to be pushy, and guide her through the door, into the cool evening breeze.
“Let’s go get a drink somewhere, calm you down a bit.”
She just nods, but I can see a faint hint of a smile come over her lips. Those full, moon-shimmering, lips.
We walk the street, I try to determine what to say and how, but having her near is just so damn distracting.
Her eyes are fireflies in the night. They dazzle me. I stare at her, I have to say something, she looks at me in wonder, say something!
“Aw!”
I hit my foot against a fire plug – how could I have missed that? – and curse. She giggles.
“You’re so clumsy.”
That wasn’t exactly what I wanted to hear from her tonight, but I’m glad to see her laugh, so I do too, despite the pain. It may even be worth the slight limp it got me and that I’m desperately trying to hide from her.
We come across a nice, cosy, informal cafe. It’s nearly empty and there’s a candle on every table. Perfect!
I hold the door open for her. So many beautiful tables shrouded in a romantic glow. She takes a seat at the bar. Damn it!
Now what?
To be continued... (next part: Friday)
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